Friends,
If you’re new here, welcome! Welcome to the intimate salon that is my email list. Come and go as you please, always, and I hope you receive something while you’re here.
You’re joining us in a moment where I’m writing about relational truths. Let’s talk about people who don’t feel safe or supported in (and thus very reluctant to show up to) most “therapeutic” spaces.
B joined my group program because she was in a new relationship that meant a lot to her. Read: she didn’t want to f*ck it up. She felt the potential to create a new level of intimacy and the closer they got, the more she felt familiar patterns creeping in… and it mattered to her more than ever to figure that OUT.
He was affirmatively “NOT a group program guy.” (Aka, he had not yet found a field in which he felt safe, welcome, accepted and genuinely helped. Just judged, othered, patronized. This, unfortunately, is common.)
So she joined my program on her own, showing up week after week to lean into her own side of the street. She was really getting somewhere, and reported so much relief at the opening in their dynamic as a result of her new skills.
Then, one day, they had a real deal fight. The kind that can feel daunting, hopeless, how-do-we-come-back-from-this. And instead of collapsing or trying to figure it all out on her own, she asked him to show up to one of our calls. Just one. All he had to do was listen. She would do the talking, and I would provide some insight and coaching.
(The cost of enrollment in he Lovers Collective includes both people in a partnership, however much or little each desires to participate.)
I listened. She did a beautiful job (leaning into all she’d learned in weeks prior) of sharing his experience without judging it, alongside her own. I talked through the thing, holding them both with tenderness and compassion and offering genuine tools for repair and breakthrough.
He didn’t speak on the call, but he listened. The whole group held them both without any expectation.
They left the call; they used the tools; everything changed.
The next week, he showed up and said: “No coaching or therapy of this kind has ever worked for me. I kinda can’t believe it. But this is real, and I’m here, and I am grateful. And thank you for giving me the space to feel it out before I was sure.”
They were both active participants in the remainder of the program.
Healthy relationality lets you choose in. It doesn’t manipulate, or coerce, or kick you out of the cult if you’re not sure. It doesn’t need to prove itself or make you jump through hoops. Your relationship coaching / healing space should feel the same.
If you are uncomfortable in your body in order to be in a healing space (beyond the edgy-heat nerves of sharing vulnerably, which are healthy), it's not a healing space. If you have to override your truth, if you feel you can't dissent, if you can't lean back and take your time to buy in... you're in a power dynamic, not a transformational container.
I never judge folks who are reluctant. I assume they are protecting their most tender and sacred selves.
I want every person who has had a less-than-trustable experience while attempting to be "helped" to walk as gently as they need to toward genuine support.
This is what I'm pouring myself into creating inside The Lovers Collective.
If you'd like a taste of how we're doing it (you are so so so welcome to just come and observe, even skeptically), I'm hosting a free event on Saturday:
The Lovers Collective Pop-Up + Open House
Come see what The Lovers Collective is all about,
for FREE.
Sat, March 21 | 9:00 - 10:30 AM PT / 12:00 - 1:30 PM ET
(Recording sent to all who enroll)
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t's totally free, there will be an opportunity for you to bring your pressing relationship questions for live coaching from me, and I'll send a recording to everyone who can't be there live.
I'd love to see you there.
Big love,
PS – On March 23rd, doors open to The Lovers Collective, my new signature 3-month offer for devotional, high-achieving humans (couples and individuals) who want the miraculous relief of creating the love, sex and relationships they’ve always dreamed of.
The Lovers Collective is an intimate, game-changing space that includes:
- Weekly group coaching calls described as “better than 5 years of relationship therapy”
- An online video library of bite-sized teachings and tools to meet the exact challenge of any moment
- A community text thread for real-time solidarity and support from epic humans as devotional as you are
- The most affordable way to work with me 1:1 (or 2:1, if you are partnered), should you decide to upgrade
TLC is $1200 or 3 payments of $400 / month (whether you come solo or as a couple).
Have the convo with your partner now. Or make the commitment solo. This work will result in miracles!
